This weekend marks the finalization of my undergraduate thesis. The wait has been so long! I can’t comprehend that this is actually the end. My mind also refuses to understand that once my thesis is finished, it’s only a few weeks till I leave for Italy.
My inability to think about my near future, full of changes and upheavals, says something about my fears. I’m afraid of traveling again. What if my flights are cancelled? What if I lose my luggage? I’m afraid of losing my routine. What will I do now that my seminar is finished? What will I do in a time zone seven hours off from my friends and family? I’m afraid of making new friends, switching therapists, joining a new choir, and living with roommates.
What if I just need my mother?!
In the next few months, I will experience the realization of two dreams. These are hopes I have held close, molded with care, and planned for six years. The first, producing a real, valid piece of scientific work; the second, having the opportunity to learn a language I love in a foreign country.
Endings and beginnings are difficult. The experiences along the way are invaluable and hard to let go of. Right now, I don’t have a real conclusion to these thoughts. All I know for sure is that the cyclical pattern of growth is inevitable and beautiful.